my faith, is being tested

the lord will put the worst before you just before he blesses you. with trials and temptation. but not in that order.  there's always a calm before the storm, but theres always a calm once the storm has also passed.

right now i feel that a storm is coming. as i am being tested.  it's just that the last few tests i have failed. or so i think. but i do not know.

it's calm now but that will soon change.

Vanna? can i get an "L" please? Love. life, can it get any darker? give me a light please.

what do women want? and do i care if i give it to them anymore?  i have mental health issues and that is why i do  not need to think of things like this anymore.  it makes me ill just thinking about this. i should count my chickens since they have already hatched. and they ARE full grown hens by now. i also know that i am nolonger able to have children any more. that is what satan wanted and that is what i am granting him over my life.  i am not letting him have my happiness aswell. that is what CJ took from me, since i knew she would marry someone else i got it back from her.  now with no regrets in thinking and knowing it would never happen. i was right about her. but then there is Amanda. a girl who said she would always be there for me.  i added a year to the time she had left to wait. because i did not know that it would take another year before she, CJ, married some one else and i also now know she, amanda, could not wait another year for me and got impatient with  me and left me in the dark.

untill just recently.  someone from her neck of the woods visited my blog on the 6th. i am just hoping it is not over any more. but a man can dream dreams and have visions.

i now know how i will die.  it is just a question of when.