open letter to God

it may never leave my mind but when it does. i get a re enforceing dream, or a hulcination of her on the bus or even a song that reminds me of her plays on the radio.

i just need more time.  it will never leave my mind. someone is praying against me and is keeping me from forgetting her.

i know because i have not been praying as much as this person who does not want me to forget her.

so i am going to make an open letter to God asking him to let me move on. if this does not work then the person who is praying against me is higher on God's food chain.

"Dear Lord,

"as you know i have been struggling about thoughts about a certin female.  these thoughts i feel are Demonic in nature. as i know i have not moved on because i still have demonic dreams and demonic visions of her and i becoming friends. i know that these visions are not from you. and i know you want what i want, and that is for me to let go. with your help i can achive this goal.

"i need your help, i have been struggling with this, and i feel i am going to lose the battle against these deamons because these deamons also flood my inbox with pornagraphic pictures of girls who "claim" to want me. and i have no idea of who they are.

"because of this i feel i may never beable to get past this phase in my life. and i know that this phase of my life is not over.

"help me move on from this past event in my life. i have been struggleing with these thoughts and i feel it might go beyond just thoughts if not resloved.

"i know since you are the creator of life you can also change what you have created.

"change me,
 in jesus' name i pray.
amen.

Can Dreams Reveal the future. or does it show the condition of our hearts?

Last night i had a very troubling dream. i dreamed that CJ had forgiven me and in turn i forgave her in this dream. but in this dream i was not looking for her. she found me.  i know in real life she would never forgive me. because i know that i made an effort to bury the hatchet. but that hatchet in reality never existed untill she discovered that i had a few words to say against her.

i know it is too late to think romanticly towards her and the dream was anything but.

but if i could just move on and not be reminded of her i will in fact, be come happy.

but the truth is i am happy. i knew that i would never be with her and i was right about that. but she is still out there. and she is still remembering me and i am remembering her.  but because of this she refuses to seek me out. but if she ever does. i will not turn my back on her.

i just won't look at her.

Ouch

Money is going to be tight this month.with an unforseen cost. my laptop just bit the dust. and needs the screen replaced. and because that will cost me more than i have i will have to pay it when i get paid next  month. fortunatly it is GST check month. so i should be able to pay it before the end of the next month.