is she afraid of me?

could that be the reason i never found the woman that i have been searching for.  lies... all lies.

i have been searching for not just a pretty face but a face that will keep her focus on me. or at least for 7 years.

Amanda fitted that bill.  but she never came back after i told her that she was third in line. third only to two females that are now married to other people.

will Amanda ever return to my life or am i a lost cause in her books.

if she would rather hear me say that she is priority one when in truth at the time she was not. may of been why she left me, when all i needed was another year of her time.

i now know that when she promised that she would wait forever if needed was a lie.

i may never find my true soul mate, but i know i will never find her unless she comments on this entry like i did on Amanda's blog when her mother died.

it is true i broke Amanda's heart, but Amanda never stuck around long enough for me to keep my promise to her.

she kinda was a safety net when i made a leap of faith.

now all i am is a mess on the floor.