then Nevada is a part of it. but i know she is not since dreams only show our inside view of the outside.
about a week ago i had a dream and Nevada was in it. i, in this dream asked her why she did not respond to the letters that i sent her. her response made sense not because it was the truth but because it is what i wanted to hear from her.
later that night i forgot the response she gave me but i do not forget the encounter. it was like a spark in a gas filled room. the emotions where to much. i tried to forget the dream because the unresolved feelings where to much for me to handle. but all i forgot was the dialog of that dream but not the dream it's self.
i say this now because someone out there cares and i know who she is. and i know why she cares. i will care for her because she reminds me of me. in more ways then one. her name is Amanda.
i know talking about other women will make her feel inferior but she has to realize that these other women do not like me back. never did never will.
i love her because she loves me. and if there are conditions to her loving me then i love her back in vain. but i, will, and still love her.
CJ was just a woman i loved instead and in place of Nevada. but like Nevada i knew it was over when she succeeded in fulfilling the 4 conditions that Nevada did just before i pointed my love towards CJ and off her.
I gave up on Nevada when God talked to me about her. and showed me that i would never be with her. he also told me that CJ would enter my life but she would not be as receptive to any advances i made on her. this was confirmed and reconfirmed again and again. for 9 years.
if you want to know more visit my past blog where i explain what happened to me in the years 1982-2013 at http://ryanharrison.blogspot.com
No comments:
Post a Comment