faith.

faith is like a mustard seed.  it, even though it is small if nurtured and given plenty of "good soil" to grow, it turns into the greatest of plants. someone out there has faith in me, but i admit that i have not given her the best of "soil" to "work with."

you can only give what you have been given. and i have not been given the surface to "sow" what i have "reaped." because my priorities are misguided and in error. they always have been.

like a seed that has been planted in the shallow soil, will spring up, but when the sun comes out it will wither and die. 

Today as i was trying to fall asleep i prayed that i be moved from the shallow soil to the deep and good soil and help me make the right choices.

whether or not if that prayer was answered with a "yes" yet is another question.

i have been, struggling with the sin of viewing pornographic material, it has been a problem for awhile, i have taken on the sins of a friend that also has been struggling.

it does not help that my spam folder is filled with such pictures.

i thought i had victory over this sin but it has made me docile in my efforts.

it was to the point that God intervened in my life and stopped me from viewing it the day before yesterday.

if it was not the voices it was the the sins of my past that resurfaced.

Stop Mocking me!!!

what was so hard, about asking her to help me in a time of need?  i may of been psychotic but i was also catatonic in my efforts, i could not move. i called for her help but i got no responce.

i left the scene when i knew it was too late. i tried to forget. i tried to move on. i tried live with it. i tried to live without it. i tried i tried and i tried. But God was Right. i would always be reminded and i would always find another reason.

"the internet is not written in pencil.  it is written in INK."

those people who live and breathe forget that others live and breathe too.  they are so worried about their lives that others are dying all around them, yet they don't look at their own lives and see how finite it is.

it's not about winning souls to your cause. it is about doing what is right. what is Just. and what is Noble. what is Honorable. what is Respectful.

something the world apparently has forgotten along time ago.

i need help at this time.

but none in this world can help me.

they are all too busy doing their own thing.

getting married, having children, living their lives.

forgetting about those who have moved on. and not looking back at what they can do better. or at least if they did, they will do better with someone else forgetting her or him that they made a mistake with in the first place.

and if they do try to fix the problem, it is not received the way that they had hoped it would be.

i refuse to die a copy. because i was born an individual.

https://youtu.be/MrRQEQN38Lg

The party lasted a week!!!

They really do mean marathon when you select marathon in the game speed in civilization 4.  as for my birthday party we, being David Robert and i, had a marathon game of civilization 4. that lasted a week.  at least 20 hours in total.  late nights and late games means we slept when we could and Robert and i went and saw the new avengers movie.

but like all parties. this one has to come to a  close.