broken heart?

i think i already broke her heart. i did not want to because she has waited and waited for me and then she put 2 and 2 together. but i know what it is like to have your heart broken then trampled on and spit on then insulted then left out to dry. i never wanted to do that to another human being but i think i already did that to Amanda.

she just did not want to tell me that i already did that to her.

had i known that "i will never break your heart" is code for i want to break up with you but i don't want it to get ugly. i would never of made that promise. i miss the late night talks we used to have when all i could think of was getting back to Saskatoon and trying to patch things up with CJ when deep down inside i knew that we never had a chance. because of the prophecy i was given when i was 17.  i wanted that prophecy to run it's coarse and i also wanted the promise at the end of that promise to come true.  the next girl i was to fall madly in love with would fall madly in love with me.   Amanda's response to that promise should of clued me in that she was ending the relationship. by just stop talking to me.

our relationship started when she lost her mother.  i wanted to be there when she lost her father.  she did not come to me when it happened so i know now she is the one who is ending the relationship.  "she will never break my heart."

i had 5 conditions that CJ had to meet before i knew it was true. and that it was time to fall in love with someone new. and when CJ met the 5 conditions i feel that is when i lost Amanda.