i think she has moved on from me, since i no longer see her visiting my blog. but then again i do not see anyone visiting my blog. maybe my statcounter code is no longer working. i know that blogger is now using HTTPS instead of HTTP. and my statcounter code i do not think uses HTTPS. but anyway. i am now, for the first time in 14 years, unsure about my future. i thought that by this time Amanda and I would of been expecting Gwen by now. but God now has other plans for our future.
Mainly mine. i have been selfish lately and now i am reaping the rewards of that selfishness. but i know it has something to do with the idea that she has to compete with someone who does not even give me the time of day. and of course i am talking about CJ. that was my problem. i would not shut up about CJ and i think that is what hurt our relationship more than anything.
even if Amanda never again sends me a message, try's to contact me or in no way shows me an interest in my life i know now why that is.
i just had an idea. maybe Amanda was the relationship that was prophesied when i was 17. if that was true then who was CJ in my life?
for Amanda to just lose interest in me is a hard pill to swallow. especially since i have been in her life for more than 10 years. maybe she found someone better than me. it's not hard. there are a lot of better guys out there. but that is something i have never been was competitive.
that is why i am now going to test the waters. if there is an Actual girl out there that likes me and will stick by my side "forever" then i know i have found the right one. because now i am openly going to see if i can find that Blond from my dream that i had a few days ago. but the only catch is, she has to come to me. i am sick of looking and having them doing nothing in return.
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