Saturday, August 17, 2013
am i dying?
maybe i should have it checked out. but as of late i have been having dizzy spells and they have been happening more and more. i will be phoning my famaly doctor and will check and see if it is somthing serious or just a heat stroke.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Should i move on or stay put?
i can visualize a comming disaster that has haunted me ever since i left alberta, and came here to saskatoon, to actualy want this disaster to happen is both selfish and wrong. i admit. but i did not come back to saskatoon just to make sure this does happen. i came back because i knew i was to die here in saskatoon. after surviving the worst moment that ever will take place in saskatoon.
my current job is because i wanted to do somthing that i never thought would happen as long as i stayed in SAC. but it was because i followed my dream that i got my current job. but there is somthing pulling me back to SAC. and it is this dream of surviving @ SAC.
i had a dream in late 2005 that i would return to SAC and i would survive a blast that would take place there. if it is a prophetic dream then i know i will have to return to SAC in at least 7 years...i will be doing more at SAC then they will admit i would achive. as in this dream i knew i was doing somthing that they never let me do while i was there the last time.
if i am the only person who has had a dream like this then i know it is not selfish to admit. she was not in this dream.
i thought that this dream was going to take place in 2008 because i went to the first person who had similar claims, and when i found out he was a fraud i started persuing my own dreams.
all of my predictions that came from God has come true. except this one as well as another.
that i would return to saskatoon and survive a nuclear blast that would happen there.
my other dreams where that i would work repairing computers. that i would do it with little pay and that i would become happy with my life.
i came to the conclusion that it never was about me. it was about the sustainer of those dreams.
i also knew that i would not find my soulmate untill 10 years after i got over the first crush i had. the next crush would break my heart just the same way the first one would.
and it only took 7 years to truly get over the first crush. or so i thought. just like the prophicy said. it took 10.
i also knew that the world would not wait for my dreams.
so i tried to speed them up.
without realizeing that i was taking away from my time i had left on this world.
God had other plans for my life. i know it has somthing to do with that other incubus i had. the one i prayed to remember. and still do.
i will not say what that dream was about but i was angery in this dream and i took it out on someone not as close as i would liked to of been before this dream happened and is the cause of my pain.
my current job is because i wanted to do somthing that i never thought would happen as long as i stayed in SAC. but it was because i followed my dream that i got my current job. but there is somthing pulling me back to SAC. and it is this dream of surviving @ SAC.
i had a dream in late 2005 that i would return to SAC and i would survive a blast that would take place there. if it is a prophetic dream then i know i will have to return to SAC in at least 7 years...i will be doing more at SAC then they will admit i would achive. as in this dream i knew i was doing somthing that they never let me do while i was there the last time.
if i am the only person who has had a dream like this then i know it is not selfish to admit. she was not in this dream.
i thought that this dream was going to take place in 2008 because i went to the first person who had similar claims, and when i found out he was a fraud i started persuing my own dreams.
all of my predictions that came from God has come true. except this one as well as another.
that i would return to saskatoon and survive a nuclear blast that would happen there.
my other dreams where that i would work repairing computers. that i would do it with little pay and that i would become happy with my life.
i came to the conclusion that it never was about me. it was about the sustainer of those dreams.
i also knew that i would not find my soulmate untill 10 years after i got over the first crush i had. the next crush would break my heart just the same way the first one would.
and it only took 7 years to truly get over the first crush. or so i thought. just like the prophicy said. it took 10.
i also knew that the world would not wait for my dreams.
so i tried to speed them up.
without realizeing that i was taking away from my time i had left on this world.
God had other plans for my life. i know it has somthing to do with that other incubus i had. the one i prayed to remember. and still do.
i will not say what that dream was about but i was angery in this dream and i took it out on someone not as close as i would liked to of been before this dream happened and is the cause of my pain.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
what would you do if you ran out of steam?
that is exactly what happened on thursday. i ran out of steam and had a meltdown. i know i cannot handle stress but putting stress after stress on me will cause me to break down. even if i do not show it after awhile. i will try my best to contain it but i will not let it control me. if it does i know that i am not in control. like i want to be. i don't remember thrusday all that well. but, because had i not gotten out and had the rest i needed afterwards i might of been hospitalized shortly after. i need to know who i can trust and who i can confide in and at this moment i have no one who i can call upon since i don't understand what happened on thursday either. all i remember was i wanted out and as soon as i found a way out i took it.