"Black Murky Water" dream. i now know what it meant.

CJ is no longer in my future. but if she wanted me in hers she will have to read this last effort on my behalf.

i no longer have dreams or visions of her in my life but she is not forgotten.

what i am saying is she will no longer be considered by me as a possible friend regardless...

ever since i was 17 i had visions of a certain female that would enter my life but never become my friend.

i knew i would obsess about this female. even go as far as having a conversation as someone else with her. but never actually clicking with this female. the next female that entered my life after i was rejected by Nevada i would fall for and never actually be a friend to.

i know now that was CJ. 

i for 9 years have been obsessing about her. and only in the last 2 years have been able to get my mind off her, and on other more important things like the Rapture and God, one of witch who has who gave me that revelation in the first place.

knowing that she married someone else was the break i was looking for. the catalyst that broke the mold of what was a paradigm i needed to free my self from.

but why do i still linger on this subject? she made an impact in my life. one i was warned about. and one i could not free myself from. but it was a tool that God used on me to prove to me that when he makes a promise about the future and you try to fight it. it will prove you cannot beat the creator of the game at the game he made himself.

if you want to play a game and you find the game easy at first, be careful because you might find your self next to a pool of black murky water. that if your not careful you might just get thrown into.